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I assumed that fights were won by the person who could be the meanest (aka me).
Sean has informed me that this is not actually true and that the way to resolve an argument isn’t by delivering devastating burns — it’s by making sure both people feel heard.
Sean gave me space to make these connections, and, during my first year at Buzz Feed, I canceled countless dates to go to more brunches and karaoke nights than I care to remember.
I know now I hate brunch and karaoke — getting drunk at one p.m.
It’s a concept so simple that even animals understand--give a dog a bone, and it will obey.I cared for this less: Practicing for tournaments meant throwing darts with him in his freezing garage for hours, and I have little tolerance for holding metal objects in subzero temperatures. ” When you date someone for as long as I’ve dated Sean, you see their entire evolution, and you know the darts thing was just one bright thread in the tapestry that makes them who they are.After college I dated Sean the World’s Most Casual Pothead. And to this day we argue about the amount of commitment he had to this persona. They really impair your ability to remember that you weren’t high for an entire summer. If there’s one thing Sean and I’ve done well, it’s allowing each other the space to pick whatever color thread appeals to us at that point in time, even if we’re silently thinking, Ugh, CHARTREUSE?But sometimes I wish I could go just to hear a therapist say, “What are you two doing here? ” I am, after all, a millennial, and I thrive on constant validation.) Our favorite activity is getting into a car, driving for hours, talking about our feelings, and helping the other person talk about theirs more effectively.For example, I used to think that the best way to express my anger was by being defensive and saying the most hurtful thing to the other person.